This year seems a little worse for me. What seems like a lifetime ago I was attacked, no big deal right, broken jaw, head injury, I was knocked unconscious. I will spare you all the gory details, but one is I have no idea who did this to me-who altered my life so drastically. Well time marches on, and although it doesn’t heal all wounds, things get more distant. Until there is a trigger, out of nowhere this can happen-a sight, a smell, something I see or hear. For me it was several weeks ago.
I was doing my normal activity, a simple walk with the dog. It turned out I wasn’t alone on the road a man came out from in between some bushes, approaching me quickly with his voice muffled through what appeared to be a stocking cap. I could feel that sick, vile feeling rolling up my throat, my pulse was pounding, I was thinking escape route, which way do I go what decisions to make and taking in his appearance. All of these things were happening in one split second. As I took the safest and most sensible way out of the situation I realized I narrowly escaped a very bad incident. This man was up to no good and it became more and more obvious to me as each step took me further away.
Now this happened and the nightmares came back, along with all the other frustrating things that plagued me after the attack years ago. I realized suddenly, I didn’t want to leave the house alone. Going to the grocery store is terrifying. A man, who was walking on the street, said hello as I took my garbage cans out and I immediately noticed that he had the same build and height as the man from the bushes-time to go lock myself in again.
So needless to say, I have been going to work. I have not left the yard or house for new photo adventures, I am paralyzed with the sick feelings I dealt with for years. The fear, disgust and terror rushed over me like a wave and knocked me off of my feet.
I am trying some normalcy today, some ramblings shared, and I snapped some images. These I share with you along with my little story. I try and put on a good face for people around me –I don’t want to display weakness but it is there, all around me.